because I'm sailing free.
No longer will I stand to be tied down by my own restraints. It's time to move past the past and onto the life I've aspired to live. I shall not condone my own tendencies to play Ms. Havisham and experience 'life outside my apartment.' But to remember that I too have a life, and should not just be passively in another's.
I am going to start my own book instead of just being a character in someone else's. Chapter one: College.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Penis Game
All of you probably remember the Penis Game from middle school, and remember that is a competition where the main objective is to yell 'penis' louder than anyone else. It was a little stupid game that was normally played by 12 year old boys. Well than, apparently college students are now 12.
I fell asleep around 1 in the morning, and was rudely awoken around 2 because some drunken idiot decided it would be a great idea to yell penis really loud from the street. Not only did I not appreciate the disturbance, I haven't been able to fall back asleep. It is now 4:11 and I sit here doubting my ability to sleep again.
While I lay here all night I have been thinking about many many things (also the source of my state of awakeness) that are happening in my life now. So much is going on and so much is at a stand still. If only I could make some progress maybe then I would be able to sleep.
As boring as lying in bed is all night I have had some entertainment:
My roommate likes to talk in her sleep... tonight about pretzels.
The door opened on it's own... scary but really cool.
I talked to a stranger... from the Netherlands
So even though I am tortured by being soooooo tired and not being able to sleep, I must say that it's been an odd night.
Well maybe I'll get lucky and happen to fall asleep.
If not I'll see you in a few hours and will be pretty bitchy.
I fell asleep around 1 in the morning, and was rudely awoken around 2 because some drunken idiot decided it would be a great idea to yell penis really loud from the street. Not only did I not appreciate the disturbance, I haven't been able to fall back asleep. It is now 4:11 and I sit here doubting my ability to sleep again.
While I lay here all night I have been thinking about many many things (also the source of my state of awakeness) that are happening in my life now. So much is going on and so much is at a stand still. If only I could make some progress maybe then I would be able to sleep.
As boring as lying in bed is all night I have had some entertainment:
My roommate likes to talk in her sleep... tonight about pretzels.
The door opened on it's own... scary but really cool.
I talked to a stranger... from the Netherlands
So even though I am tortured by being soooooo tired and not being able to sleep, I must say that it's been an odd night.
Well maybe I'll get lucky and happen to fall asleep.
If not I'll see you in a few hours and will be pretty bitchy.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Love Handles
Today I was having some Chubby Hubby ice cream, my personal favorite. It's vanilla malt ice cream with swirls of peanut butter and chocolate and then some chocolate covered peanut buttered filled pretzels. It is THE best. Although I'm not sure where it would rank with Half Baked. Ben & Jerry's really have something good going for them. Anyway that is beside the point. My roommate told me that Chubby Hubby is exactly like this one kind that they serve at Handles, a little outdoor ice cream stand that they have in various places in north east Ohio. When we were talking about it I said " I love handles."
Wow...
That's cool
When a person Loves handles... they get love handles. Oh the pun. I thought this was really cool for some reason. I wondered if it was why they named the store handles. Because if you love handles... you get love handles. I just think that is the coolest thing ever. I know I'm a dork, but I embrace it.
Wow...
That's cool
When a person Loves handles... they get love handles. Oh the pun. I thought this was really cool for some reason. I wondered if it was why they named the store handles. Because if you love handles... you get love handles. I just think that is the coolest thing ever. I know I'm a dork, but I embrace it.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
More
I am currently sitting in my unofficial new room with my awesome new roommate, listening to Christmas music despite the time of year. Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas is playing and all I can think about is him. It's been a long time since he has entered my life and throughout our history I always pined for more. More attention, more space, more communication, more time, more hugs, more phone calls, more visits, more HIM! We've been in each others lives for so long and I'm not sure if more will ever happen.
My last relationship (as wonderful and amazing and spectacular as it was) started because I needed to move on from him and learn to be happy. And now that relationship has ended because (along with other various reasons) I never did get over him. He will forever torment my mind until I can have more, or at least closure.
So to you, him, he. I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I would give anything to have more of you. You may never read this and I may never have more, but you are my love. For all the pain we've put each other through, it's all been worth it... at least for me.
My last relationship (as wonderful and amazing and spectacular as it was) started because I needed to move on from him and learn to be happy. And now that relationship has ended because (along with other various reasons) I never did get over him. He will forever torment my mind until I can have more, or at least closure.
So to you, him, he. I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I would give anything to have more of you. You may never read this and I may never have more, but you are my love. For all the pain we've put each other through, it's all been worth it... at least for me.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Why my NaNoWriMo word count has yet to really begin
Yesterday's insanity still holds true for now, but with much more intensity. Let me just describe to you my day.
I spend my morning the usual way, wake up and go to the class. After class I had about 10 minutes to get from one side of campus to the other so I wouldn't be late for my advising session. (I have to schedule soon and I don't know what to take for education) After the advising session I go to Perkins to hang out with my favorite people until Johnny gets done with class so we can go to dinner.
This is where all the madness kicks in.
Upon first sight of Johnny I was already frustrated. We spent all of dinner struggling to resist the temptation to touch and kiss each other, and once the delicious pumpkin pie was gone Kelly and I went to get jobs at the new dining hall on campus.
We filled out about 8 different forms, all of which required our names, address, ss #, and a signature date combination. I walked out with a direct deposit sheet and a job, hopefully.
Finally it was time for Avenue Q! The much anticipated event of the year was finally here! We walked into the theater and there standing in the lobby was who else but JT Schindler. The man of my dreams from freshman year of high school who I recently learned attended OU. It was no secret that I was overly excited to see him. Here stood another man I had to resist the temptation to touch/kiss.
Our seats were in row H, which is really close to the stage, except for the small fact that we sat right next to the wall and didn't have much of a view of stage right. Before the doors were closed and the lights turned off Johnny and I began texting each other, despite the fact that he was sitting right next to me. We both confessed that we wanted hold hands, and then decided that there wasn't a rule that said we couldn't. I gave him the little slip of paper that I had wrote in linguistics this morning that simply said " I will love you forever". I wrote that with no intention of giving it to him, but when I felt the urge to lean over and give him a kiss I thought it could suffice.
His fingers were laced with mine throughout the entire first act, and when the romantic sappy loves songs came up I began to cry. During intermission we both lost our strength and couldn't fight anymore. Our lips touched ever so softly and then pulled away slowly, but a few moments later we were kissing more and more.
I felt a small vibration in my pocket and discover a text message regarding the room change meeting. The process of changing dorm rooms is all very complicated and I'm not going to bore you with the details. To make a long story short I ended up leaving at the beginning of the second act :( to go to the meeting. And after standing there in line for 15 minutes I was told that i didn't even need to be there. I made my way back to the show and was able to watch the finale number before it got let out. I wasn't too terribly disappointed that I had left because I have seen it once before.
Walking down the steps outside the auditorium we saw the tour buses that brought the us our favorite show. Standing by the door of the bus we saw the actors who played Brian and Princeton in Avenue Q. We went over to ogle them and scored out with a picture and 2 autographs. I'm pretty sure we did a good job of acting like a 15 year old girl meeting Miley Cyrus.
What a crazy night?
Can you see why I'm insane?
... probably not.
Anyway, tomorrow I am hermitting myself so I can commit to some serious NaNoWriMo writing. I am way behind. Still at a mere 213 words.
I spend my morning the usual way, wake up and go to the class. After class I had about 10 minutes to get from one side of campus to the other so I wouldn't be late for my advising session. (I have to schedule soon and I don't know what to take for education) After the advising session I go to Perkins to hang out with my favorite people until Johnny gets done with class so we can go to dinner.
This is where all the madness kicks in.
Upon first sight of Johnny I was already frustrated. We spent all of dinner struggling to resist the temptation to touch and kiss each other, and once the delicious pumpkin pie was gone Kelly and I went to get jobs at the new dining hall on campus.
We filled out about 8 different forms, all of which required our names, address, ss #, and a signature date combination. I walked out with a direct deposit sheet and a job, hopefully.
Finally it was time for Avenue Q! The much anticipated event of the year was finally here! We walked into the theater and there standing in the lobby was who else but JT Schindler. The man of my dreams from freshman year of high school who I recently learned attended OU. It was no secret that I was overly excited to see him. Here stood another man I had to resist the temptation to touch/kiss.
Our seats were in row H, which is really close to the stage, except for the small fact that we sat right next to the wall and didn't have much of a view of stage right. Before the doors were closed and the lights turned off Johnny and I began texting each other, despite the fact that he was sitting right next to me. We both confessed that we wanted hold hands, and then decided that there wasn't a rule that said we couldn't. I gave him the little slip of paper that I had wrote in linguistics this morning that simply said " I will love you forever". I wrote that with no intention of giving it to him, but when I felt the urge to lean over and give him a kiss I thought it could suffice.
His fingers were laced with mine throughout the entire first act, and when the romantic sappy loves songs came up I began to cry. During intermission we both lost our strength and couldn't fight anymore. Our lips touched ever so softly and then pulled away slowly, but a few moments later we were kissing more and more.
I felt a small vibration in my pocket and discover a text message regarding the room change meeting. The process of changing dorm rooms is all very complicated and I'm not going to bore you with the details. To make a long story short I ended up leaving at the beginning of the second act :( to go to the meeting. And after standing there in line for 15 minutes I was told that i didn't even need to be there. I made my way back to the show and was able to watch the finale number before it got let out. I wasn't too terribly disappointed that I had left because I have seen it once before.
Walking down the steps outside the auditorium we saw the tour buses that brought the us our favorite show. Standing by the door of the bus we saw the actors who played Brian and Princeton in Avenue Q. We went over to ogle them and scored out with a picture and 2 autographs. I'm pretty sure we did a good job of acting like a 15 year old girl meeting Miley Cyrus.
What a crazy night?
Can you see why I'm insane?
... probably not.
Anyway, tomorrow I am hermitting myself so I can commit to some serious NaNoWriMo writing. I am way behind. Still at a mere 213 words.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hand Writing
Some people consider hand writing to be the style of an individuals print. However I have a much different definition of hand writing. My form of hand writing is what I actually write on my hand. The simplicity of taking a pen, marker, or high-lighter to a small section of skin to express some emotion, or possibly even make a small reminder, is a great outlet. I'm not sure if there are any health related consequences to applying ink to your hands, but hopefully there is not, because otherwise I would have some serious issues. I realized that I write on my hand as frequent as a teenage girl checks facebook. It has become my addiction, my dirty little secret. When I don't feel comfortable writing or drawing something on myself that other people would see I'll put it on leg or my arm and wear long sleeves. This is rather pre-teen of me, but the irony of it all is that I never drew on myself when it was popular to do so. However it's now uncommon for me not to have a picture or remnants of a picture on the back side of my hand. Each drawing or writing has meaning. They either express what I'm feeling at the moment, remind me to do something or provide me with motivation.
Handwriting of the day:
This is how I felt after my boyfriend and I broke up. I made it talk and everything. The funny thing is that I spent about 10 minutes laughing about how it looks like a "Go-Go" or "Crazy Bone" depending on what you called them back then. I also hope that this one doesn't leave an imprint of itself on my face while I sleep. I could wash it off , but that would require much to much work.
Handwriting of the day:
This is how I felt after my boyfriend and I broke up. I made it talk and everything. The funny thing is that I spent about 10 minutes laughing about how it looks like a "Go-Go" or "Crazy Bone" depending on what you called them back then. I also hope that this one doesn't leave an imprint of itself on my face while I sleep. I could wash it off , but that would require much to much work.
Reasons for Random Combustions
Because I know I have so many avid readers who care about me deeply and desperately want to know what is going on in my life. I shall tell you all about the mass chaos which has occurred in the past 4 days. Seeing as they are all quite clear and distinctly unrelated from each other, I will put them in different points.
Reason #1 for mass chaos:
My search for a room in Perkins hall got seemingly easier when my awesome friend Erin's roommate decided to move out. This leaves a perfect spot for me, instead of moving in with strangers and having to attempt to get a long with... girls. And even though I would be living with girls, they would be friends, instead of having to deal with the current girls who inhabit the Virgin Voigt Hall and cause me much distress and lack of sleep. So while this process should be simple it has been complicated due to the fact that there is a room change meeting on Wednesday during Avenue Q (which I waited at my computer for the tickets to go on sale so I could buy the best seats) and the fact that Meg is still unsure about weather or not to move out.
Reason #2 for going crazy:
A few weeks ago I had a break down because I thought I made the wrong choice in school. I tried for a few weeks to learn to love it but it's just not happening. So after another break down on Halloween I have officially decided to transfer to Allegheny College for the fall of 2010 semester (o boy, 2010 that's crazy). So I am now going through emails and emails of transfer work all in which I have no idea how to make sense of them. Wish me luck.
Reason #3 for wanting to be placed in a small white room:
I finally realized why I was so frustrated in my relationship. Why I wanted to be single, but still be with him at the same time. And since I'm a good person I am not going to post all of the details of our break up on the Internet. To sum it up nicely, we realized we were in love with the comfort and the caring we get from each other, not necessarily the other person. We decided mutually to be BEST FRIENDS. It has been a few hours since this has happened and we have already started our new found friendship. I see this going well. I am surprisingly better than I thought I would be. Probably because I have surrounded myself with Hayley, Kelly, Erin ,Pj and cookie dough to make me happy.
All of this happened within the past few days and things are beginning to look up. I am taking control of my life (or at least attempting) and will get through it, hopefully with a little grace.
It's time to move forward to new friendships, new beginnings and a new life.
NaNoWriMo words down: 213... How pathetic?
Once the hecticness dies down I'll be writing a whole lot more.
Reason #1 for mass chaos:
My search for a room in Perkins hall got seemingly easier when my awesome friend Erin's roommate decided to move out. This leaves a perfect spot for me, instead of moving in with strangers and having to attempt to get a long with... girls. And even though I would be living with girls, they would be friends, instead of having to deal with the current girls who inhabit the Virgin Voigt Hall and cause me much distress and lack of sleep. So while this process should be simple it has been complicated due to the fact that there is a room change meeting on Wednesday during Avenue Q (which I waited at my computer for the tickets to go on sale so I could buy the best seats) and the fact that Meg is still unsure about weather or not to move out.
Reason #2 for going crazy:
A few weeks ago I had a break down because I thought I made the wrong choice in school. I tried for a few weeks to learn to love it but it's just not happening. So after another break down on Halloween I have officially decided to transfer to Allegheny College for the fall of 2010 semester (o boy, 2010 that's crazy). So I am now going through emails and emails of transfer work all in which I have no idea how to make sense of them. Wish me luck.
Reason #3 for wanting to be placed in a small white room:
I finally realized why I was so frustrated in my relationship. Why I wanted to be single, but still be with him at the same time. And since I'm a good person I am not going to post all of the details of our break up on the Internet. To sum it up nicely, we realized we were in love with the comfort and the caring we get from each other, not necessarily the other person. We decided mutually to be BEST FRIENDS. It has been a few hours since this has happened and we have already started our new found friendship. I see this going well. I am surprisingly better than I thought I would be. Probably because I have surrounded myself with Hayley, Kelly, Erin ,Pj and cookie dough to make me happy.
All of this happened within the past few days and things are beginning to look up. I am taking control of my life (or at least attempting) and will get through it, hopefully with a little grace.
It's time to move forward to new friendships, new beginnings and a new life.
NaNoWriMo words down: 213... How pathetic?
Once the hecticness dies down I'll be writing a whole lot more.
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