A challenge

Most Americans spend the first 18, if not 22, years of their life practically the same way. We all play through our childhood, attempt to make it gracefully through the awkward years of middle school, transition into the even more uncomfortable stage of high school and then discover the new found freedom of college. Even though everyone has their own personal story, past, history and journey, with their own triumphs and falls, the first 20 some years follow the a similar outline. Even our parents.

Today I was thinking about my family. My dad graduated college in 76' and my mom in 83', but it wasn't until 86' that they got married, had my brother and settled down. So what did they do during the time after college and before babies? Personally I couldn't tell you much about what my own parents did prior to crossing the threshold into parenthood, but I assume that I'm not alone in this lack of knowledge. It is a complete mystery to me, their lives as young single people with little responsibility. Since it is to late to call my mom, and I'm sure my dad is partaking in football craze, I intend to call my parents and ask them what those years were like. Who were their friends? Where did they live? What were their jobs? This sounds pretty cheesy, and I don't me to be a prescriber of unsolicited advice, but I encourage you to talk to your parents and discover their unknown years. It could be interesting. You didn't know your parents before they had you.

Memory

Today I read on the interweb that Andrew Lloyd Webber is completely cancer free. It's always a joy to discover that one of your favorite writers isn't terminally ill. Anyway, ever since his name came across my screen I have had his song "Memory" stuck in my head. That song brings me back to the magically awkward days of 7th grade. That year was the only year that I used my voice for a school club. I was part of my middle school's noble choir 'Guys & Dolls', complete with performances in habbit like skirts paired with blue sequence mumu like tops. To top it off the "men" in the group had the privilege of wearing black shirts with the same blue sequence in vest form and a smashing red bow tie. Oh what a great group we were.

While in my psychology class today my professor couldn't help but provoke the lyrics to "Memory" into my head as she lectured about memory. Now normally in this class everyone can relate to the subject matter , we all have a personality, emotions, experiences, and senses; it's very easy to follow along and understand on a personal level. But today in class I found myself lost and doubting what she had to say. Today it seemed as if she was trying to teach me that the sky is not blue, that it is in fact a lovely shade of magenta.

She explained that the sensory experiences that don't make it to our long term memory, also called short term memory, is forgotten within 2-3 seconds. Makes sense, right? Yeah. But she also said that our dreams are part of our short term memory, and that the only way we could remember them is if we pull a Rachel Berry and wake up with enough energy and motivation to write them down within 20-30 seconds of waking up.
This baffles me. I remember all of my dreams. It has been quite sometime since I slept dreamlessly. The dreams I have absorb me and I can recall upon any of them and tell you in detail what happened. Now I may miss some points or forget a few things, but generally speaking I remember my dreams for at least a few days.

After hearing this I was beginning to wonder if I just have a really unusual sleep habit, or if maybe my hipocampus is peculiarly strong.

So then she tells us about Infantile/Child Amnesia, which is why adults can not remember most of their childhood. It is also apparently why people can not remember anything before the age of 3. What? What is this? 3! People can't remember anything prior to the age of 3?
This is when I really began to wonder if I had an obscure memory.
I remember vividly trying to climb over to the big pool from the adjoined hot tub/ baby pool when we lived in California. It was my goal, my journey, my sense of purpose. I remember the divot in the wall which was lower that I could climb over. That lower level would be my parents demise. I knew that if I could just get over that wall I could be with everyone else and have the entire pool to swim in. We moved to Ohio when I was one something. All of that happened when I was only a year and some old and I remember it perfectly.
I could also recall to you a very green ride through "It's a Small World After All" during one of the family's trips to Disney Land when we lived out in Cali.

Then it all started to click. The memories of my dearest cousin telling me "Heather, sometimes I think you remember things that never actually happened," when I know they did. The unnatural amount of dreams that stick with me forever. The memories from when I was a year old. It all started to make some sense, and I have come to a conclusion. I have an oddly strong memory.

Guess who's back?

This blog could go one of two ways; it could be optimistic and hopeful, or it could be obnoxiously whiny. And since I am trying to find new balance in my life, I will follow my Libra ways and make it a combination of the two.

You don't appreciate the luxury of a laptop computer at college until it's gone. To top off the worst week of my life, my computer charger decided to fail on me leaving me with a dead black screen. Since the fateful day that Johnny left I wanted nothing more than to escape to my computer and partake in my favorite past time, random writing that will hopefully one day be something more than a scramble of word documents. As you can tell by the fact that I'm typing this, I have received a replacement charger and have found new appreciation for my computer.

Right now I am laying in my bed watching Beauty and the Beast with some of the roommates, and it's interesting to watch how Disney magically defies the basic laws of physics. I don't think it's possible for a tiny little princess to pull up an entire beast from a wet slippery tower. Although, if they live in a world where people turn into furniture and a rose decides the fate of a prince than I suppose anything is possible.
Sorry, just a random thought.

Most of you know that my time here at school has been less than satisfactional, in fact I want nothing more in the world than to go home. Don't get me wrong, I have made some awesome friends here, but when you are stranded in a very remote place with with 20,00 other people your age you begin to realize how old you are or act at least. I've discovered that for most college is a time for discovering yourself, meeting new friends, and throwing balls into cups. It's a time to be young, to avoid trouble, and be as loud as possible. Apparently I have missed that memo and have rendered myself unrelateable to the average college student. O well, I'll be in the right place all in due course, but for now I take much pleasure in the fact that I know I am different. I am my own person with my own sense of individuality.

Today I was rather embarrassed when we discovered that the source of the mysterious odd smell emanating in my room was my dining hall work shirt. But when I was putting my shoes on and noticing the foot wear of my friends I couldn't help but smile at the thought "at least I don't wear UGGs." At least I am not part of the clones.

This blog may be a little more skewed to the negative, but writing it was quite positive, so I hope you had a similar experience.

Happy

I feel like I have learned more about myself in the past week than I have my entire life. That's what college is all about, right? Although I've realized that I am a well mannered, out going, good friend, truly original person, I've also realized that I need to get my shit together. My resolutions for this year are going to help me manage my flaws and better myself, and with all of this I hope to be healthier and happier.

I've been feeling great this week, whether it be from the endorphins from my daily work out routines, or the fact that I know I am my own person who will not conform to the typical wardrobe of an OU student. Come on kids, be an original!!! So this year is starting off well, and don't criticize me for doing this, but I am going to give up chocolate! Not permanently but for now. Along with my other many many realizations I realized that a lot the unnecessary calories I eat come from chocolate, and it's chocolate that is holding me back from achieving my goals. So, for now bye bye chocolate.

For now that's all.
But read my "I'll be there for you" blog. It's about all of my awesome friends.

A poem

To be alive in this world you must stand out in the crowd, be different, be you.
Stand up for what you believe in and fight against what you believe to be wrong.
Care.
About something, anything.
Let your passions take hold. Speak out.
You must earn the title of individual!
You are nothing if you blend into the the rest like a mush of static and snow.
Throw out those UGG boots, get rid of that north face, untuck your jeans and be you!
To be anything less is a lie.
To conform to those around you is inviting them to walk over you.
Remember who you are, so you can
Earn the title of individual.

My dearest apologies

I have survived my first week back at school but only just. And even though I am currently fine and laughing, it would be false of me to say I got here without any bruises and scrapes. I could only describe this week as a novel in itself.

I could rant and bitch about the hurtful details, however I feel that reliving those moments are not only painful but unnecessary. So to carry on I could divulge of my evil plans to dominate the world and take over the universe. I shall be the one true ruler of all nations, both human and alien, including Canada.

Ok, I'll stop.

Youth in Revolt was last nights evening activity for me and 3 of my friends here at school. The journey to the theater was hyper but not nearly as loud as the way back. The movie itself is my topping my list at number 1 now. Greatest movie ever. Nick Twisp needs to be my boyfriend. Anyway, while we were watching the movie I got a text message from my mother telling me that my step father found a dead bird in my toilet! WTF? How does that happen.? I doubt that the bird died in a fatal swim up the pipes of my toilet, considering birds don't swim. But if it did die before hand, how in the world did it end up in the inside of a toilet bowl? O well, I guess Pat took care of it and my mother didn't have to deal with any nonsense that comes with finding a dead bird in the toilet.

New Years Day. Time for a clean slate, fresh start, and a new beginning. Most people make resolutions (that will probably fail) to better themselves. And even though they may be unrealistic and unlikely at least they are there, at least there is an attempt to be a better person and in term better the world. The usual resolutions are of nutrition and health, or perhaps achieving goals and aspirations. They give us a glimpse of hope for a better future.

I once made a resolution, a very serious resolution, and not only did I achieve it, but I took it too far. This year I have other goals and new dreams. So a toast. To a New Year and making it the way you want it to be.

Resolution:
#1 Figure out college and finances.
#2 Get an apartment
#3 Become a free agent
#4 Save money for spontaneous trip to London
#5 To be Healthy... (not crazy)