Tuesday, October 27, 2009


"The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads."

Not quite the case of the other night. As I lay in my bed I awoke with a fright, except it wasn't Santa Claus who woke me up. Despite going to bed shivering I woke up from a dream drenched in sweat. Not the kind of perspiration you get when it's hot outside, I'm talking band camp sweat. And for all of you who didn't do band or didn't go to Hudson. Your sweat looks like somebody dumped a bottle of water on you.

So the dream I was in was rather personal. It had a 'somewhat of an ex boyfriend' in it and tortured me deeply. I was burning up in my bed and had to get out, but when I touched my arms they were cold. It was as if somebody had forced me to swallow one of those hand warmer things and that the heat couldn't penetrate into my skin. My body was freezing yet I was burning. Never have I ever felt a sensation that could compare to such.

Upon standing I felt sick to my stomach. I made it to my bathroom and just stood there, thinking about the dream. A few minutes past before I realized that I wasn't going to be sick and that it would be in my best interest to go back to bed. My will power was tested when I attempted to move on from the dream and think about something else but it kept on slipping back into my frame of mind.

The lids of my eyes got heavier and heavier as I fell back asleep. I slipped into the same dream, except this time it was lucid. I know that some people do not believe in the concept of lucid dreams, but as a person who has them frequently I certainly do.

Now having some control of your dream may sound fun and thrilling, but don't get to hasty. For one thing there have been studies that show that there are different types of lucid dreams and that each one deals with the amount of control that the person has. In this dream I could control everything except for the other people. I could put us in one place and move us to another in an instant. One moment we're in Beijing and the next were in a park. The dream continued, and I continued to do all that I could to make my wildest dreams come true... in a dream.

The boy that had haunted my other dream was passionately kissing me, it was like nothing was ever wrong, like our relationship was one of those perfect ones you read about in classic romance novels. But only a few seconds later he was leaving me, telling me he wasn't interested. Hurting me the same way he had hurt me all that time ago. I was crushed, I was burning. Once again I could tell that my actual body was hot again. I was tired of this dream and a fear came rushing in that I wouldn't be able to wake myself up, and that hopefully it was only a matter of time before the obnoxious noise from my alarm clock would shake me from this nightmare.While waiting for my savior I went and sat in a river (yeah I know, who sits in a river?) but I think it cooled me down. I was no longer on fire.

Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" finally came on and I was awake. What happened last night? I thought to myself. It took me a few moments to finally realize that everything was okay. That even though that boy had hurt me almost a year and a half ago that I was over it and in a loving relationship with someone so much better. But I was still in shock. It took a while for me to recount all of the events that happened that night and to actually grasp the fact that none of it was real except for the waking, burning moments and the sensation I couldn't describe.

Monday, October 26, 2009


Let me start by telling all of you, that when you go to Ohio University undecided they put you into their University College. But for whatever strange reason they thought me to be special. Therefore I am in the School of Arts and Scienes as undecided. So being in that state for so long, and having absolutely NO idea what it is I wanted to do in life, I finally decided.

I started by stepping away from my life and thinking about it like I would think about a great piece of literature. I made myself a character and developed her. I figured out her values, her likes, her dislikes and what she normally does to make herself happy. After getting to know this character like a best friend (even though I should probably know myself already) I thought about what I would tell her to do and why.

I would tell her to become a high school english teacher. It's perfect. She would have a flexible enough schedule to have a family, and plenty of time to do musicals at a local community theater. And what better place than an english department to discuss her favorite topics.

Wait a minute. I already wanted and then decided against it. I didn't want to graduate from highschool, go to college and then go back to highschool. I could do so much more! But what do I want to do? Conflicted!

Well I guess I will go along with every standardized test that told me to be just that. Apparently I am a personable person that likes to help others...

So I am now majoring in Integrated Language arts and will be able to teach English, Language Arts, theater and some other random stuff to 7 through 12th graders. I'm starting to get really excited. I've never had something so solid in my life. Lets see how this goes.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


Back during good old freshmen year of high school I met a boy name. He was a senior on drum line and played the snare. He had beautiful curly hair and very nice glasses. His smile could make even the straightest guys melt and his eyes were most mezmorizing. I wanted to meet him, or just talk to him, but I was a little immature freshmen that he wanted nothing to do with.

He went on to graduate that year and I thought I would never see him again. I thought that he would always be just my senior crush from freshmen year. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have thought that I would see im again.

However now starting my freshmen year of college, my boyfriend found him. They work together at a reffing job. I didn't even know he attended this school. After I freaked out from this news I made it my goal to find him for myself.

This sounds really stalkerish, but it's fun to have my freshmen crush back. Something to make me smile because a random guy walked in.

So far I have seen him twice here. I get the butterflies right when I realize it's him. One day I will hopefully have the courage to talk to him myself. Oh how wonderful that would be.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Man in the Mirror

*If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a... CHANGE*

Those words were immortalize by Michael Jackson in his song Man in the Mirror, and lately they have been hitting hard in my heart. The death of Michael was tragic but those words will live with me forever. I am realizing now how important it is to be a good person. Not just in the sense of general kindness but to truly try to bring positivity into the world. So I thought how can I make a CHANGE? The one thing that came to mind was how I am so frustrated by something and am not doing a thing about it. I'm starting with the man in the mirror. It's time for a CHANGE!

-I'll clear up some of my vaugness

We have come so far in terms of gay rights, but we still have miles to travel. It's not a question of when they will have the same equal rights as every other american does, but why don't they have them now?

Most opposed to gay marriage will tell you it is because of their religion, or that's just what I believe. Well do you want to know what I believe, I believe thats a bullshit excuse.

We are in the land of the FREE , not in the land of the REPRESSED! We pride ourselves on our equality and freedom, yet deny the most precious of all freedoms to 10% of our population. This is not acceptable and needs to CHANGE NOW!

So this is how I will make the world a better place. This is how I am going to CHANGE. I am not going to sit back anymore and let this stay the way it is. It's time everyone took a look at themselve and make a CHANGE!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

is this right?

I went home this weekend, and it was the most fantastic weekend of my life. I got to see my family and hang out with my bestest friend. We baked my favorite pumpkin bread and went shoe shopping for my mom's wedding. I went to see the band perform for the Parade of Bands and actually got to talk to Mr. Gram (the surprise guest) while I was there. It was so amazing.

Now I'm back at school, but why do I want to go home so bad? It seems like everyone is having so much fun here and I just want to go back to hudson. I am not liking it here. I have a roommate who is nocturnal and doesn't understand that I have an 8 o'clock class everyday. I live on the 4th floor of a building that is on the top of a very steep long hill. I am undecided so my classes have absolutely no points of interest to me. And I feel like I am failing at the whole making friends thing.

I just want it to be winter break so I can be home already.
Maybe this going to school thing wasn't a good idea.
Perhaps I'll transfer to Kent next year... i dunno.
Whatever I do, I want my OWN room!!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

"Going OUt?"

Blogging about my life or writing my stories on this page may not get any attention, but at least it will help me explore my option of being a creative writing major. Right now I am undecided, but I can't stay that way forever. I am starting my first year at college and it has already been quite the adventure. These are the tales of the freshman experience. Any criticism, as long as it's constructive, will be appreciated.

Tonight is no different than every other weekend night, except for the small fact that it's THURSDAY! Yet, I still sit here in my bed anxiously awaiting the girls on my floor to just go out already and give me some SPACE. It is almost amusing to watch them get so dolled up for no reason other than the fact that they want to meet boys. However they don't realize that with as much alcohol as these boys intake that they will not remember how "hott" that random girl looked the night before. Even if I didn't have an 8 o'clock class tomorrow morning I still wouldn't want to join this ridiculous outing.

Is this what college life is really like? Quite frankly I do not see the appeal of "going out" every chance I get. "Going out" what does the term really mean? I guess these girls version of "going out" is to spend an outstanding amount of time putting on make up and doing their hair. Then to have a council meeting over with outfit looks best and which shoes to pair with it. After the getting ready is finished they stand in the hall way for about ten minutes discussing last minute touch ups and where they're going. What they do after they leave the building is a complete mystery to me. I can only infur that they go on a hunt to find some party with guys who are willing to give them beer. Once they arrive at this party they drink as much as they can so they can end up making complete fools of themselves. After sever drunken hours and some potential puking they stumble back to somebody's room to pass out on the floor. Does this sound fun to you or what?

I guess I have trouble seeing the enjoyment of this. I would rather have intellectual conversations or enjoy a nice movie. This probably makes me sound rather boring, o well I have fun.