Tuesday, February 9, 2010


It's finally hit me that I am no longer a child. People will no longer accept my ignorance. I will always have to work and provide for myself. It's no longer acceptable to walk around naked. I can't ask my parents to cut my food. Hop-scotch, po-go sticking, and jump roping will always hurt without additional support. Grandparents will not give me a present every time they come to visit. My mom will not tuck me in at night and read me bed time stories. I will never appreciate children's books, movies and shows again. Sitting in the grass will not be a regular occurrence. And holding hands will never have just the simplistic meaning of crossing the street.

It's weird to believe that I am now an adult. I miss the worry-free days of childhood.
I want to be able to remember the simple life:

I remember...
- when I would sit on my mom's lap and wonder why that prickly feeling was there sometimes and not others.
-knocking on my friends doors and asking their parents if they could come out and play with me.
-how everyone had that one "bossy" friend that they didn't really like, but since they didn't know any better they played with them anyway.
-being able to fit through the front door of my Barbi house.
-sneaking into my loud metal closet to retrieve my dress up high heels so I could sleep with them on.
-making a hopscotch that went from my house to my friends, 4 houses down.
-having the imagination to play "House" forever.
-the way Barbi's and American Girl dolls could capture my amusement for hours.
-the days with bed times.
-when sleeping without a night light was a BIG deal.
-the grass scratching at my legs when teachers or leaders held lessons or meetings outside.
-the independence I felt when I first road around the lake by myself and to have it instantly shattered when my mom found out and put me in "time-out"
-knowing exactly how old another kid was just by looking at them.
-waking up before my parents and realizing I had the privilege of jumping on them to wake them up.
-being a whole family who had dinner together.
-wanting a trampoline so badly and never getting one (now after watching America's Funniest Home videos I understand why my mother caved to wishes).
-sneaking down in the middle of the night with my flashlight to see what I would be getting for Christmas.
-never believing in Santa Claus
-the day my mother told me the tooth fairy wasn't real after I had spent an hour crying over the fact that I wasn't going to have the first tooth that grew in. I sure was one sentimental child.
-missing the first day of Kindergarten because my dad gave me "Bob's Brunch", this gross cheesy casserole thing, and I threw it up on the bus on the way to school... in the first seat.
-my first crush, Eric Straka, and how I would touch every inch of a paper when he was 'paper passer'.
-when my basement was filled with toys.
-kneeling on the bow with Lauren and singing kids song every time we were on the boat.
-searching for pieces of pretty glass down by the water.
-the day where Lauren and I jumped into the water 936 times. Oh the energy we had back then.
-sliding down the stairs on my stomach.
-wearing my blanket as a cloak.
-my mom reading the first 3 Harry Potter books to my brother and I after the divorce.
-thinking that the only hard part about driving was figuring out the knobs, aka the ac controls and radio.
-the grass sticking to my legs after running through the sprinkler.
-swimming in the lake behind my house.
-spending hours and hours on my swing set.
-playing with kitchen utensils in the bath tub at the lake.
-cart wheeling throughout the entire house.
-one-handed cart wheeling throughout the entire house.
-choreographing routines to songs by boy bands.
-fighting with my friends and getting over it the very next day.
-my brother and I playing 'ship' on my bed.
-when kids first started to swear. (I was the tattle tale for quite some time)
-asking my mom if a combination of letters was a word.
-my summer babysitters taking me to geauga lake and the rare but awesome nights that my mom would take us when she got home from work.
-my dad giving me lawn mower rides.
-playing in the pool at my grandparents house in Arizona.
-sitting in my bathroom and thinking "my parents will never get divorced"
-trying my hardest to climb over in to the big pool at my house in California.
-riding through "It's a Small World After All" in a green boat.

I hope I will always be able to remember my childhood. It was a good one.

World Domination

Now that Ted Kennedy's spot in the Massachusetts senate has been replaced by a republican for the first time in years people are saying that the democrats no longer have the control they voted for in 08'. Apparently they believe that the republicans are going to dominate once again, but don't any of them realize that it is neither the democrats or the stubborn ones that are going to rule. No, it's no longer a matter of politics. Lady Gaga and Facebook are going to take over the world!

Prepare yourself for a women to rule the world in an unnecessary amount of sequence, avant garde wardrobes, and crack like make up. The radios will be broadcasting nothing but Gaga and soon enough it will be the only music people listen to. Civilians will march along the streets in UGG and legging uniforms (including the men) to the sounds and beats of "Poker Face". There will be no speaking to others, just seldom time with a computer. To top off all of the madness facebook is going to be the only form of communication, and the only way people will know anything about anyone is by what they decided to post their status as. Eventually the government will lose all power, as if they would need it, and all business will be conducted via a social networking site.

Monday, February 8, 2010

These are a few of my favorite things

Plainly stated, I have awesome friends. They are inspiring, supportive, hilarious, witty, funny and overall amazing. A week or 2 ago one of my awesome friends (aka HayleyGHoover) walked in and said "I love poetry" and then continued to tell us about the list of things she really loves.
So I am going to be a copy cat and follow suit.

Things I love:

Seeing people in red and gold sweaters and feeling connected to them with the assumption that they bought it because it reminded them of Harry Potter.

Retreating to both happy and sad memories and being thankful that I have them all.

When I find the perfect edge of a pencil that makes my notes look beautiful and neat.

The summer days at the lake that I wake up before everyone else and can have the porch, the coffee maker, and the good blanket all to myself to read peacefully and enjoy the crystal glass like appearance of the silent morning water.

Finding affordable antique stores full of colorful trinkets and obscure household items.

When 2 people who are completely unrelated and unaware of the other's existence become a fan of the same thing on facebook.

Brushing my hair after I get out of the shower and am reminded of why I spend too much money on conditioner.

Harry Potter ad everything about it. How I consider the characters of Harry Potter to be my friends, because I know they will always be there for me when I need them. How when I was 9 and my parents had just got divorced my mom read the first 3 books to me and my brother a chapter a night. Not to mention that she pronounced slytherin *sly- th-ear-E-in*

The second family I have at my lake house and how we only see each other once a year and it's like we were never apart.

The smell of my best friends house and how it brings back so many happy memories.

Laying on the hairy carpet with my dog and watching her flail around jubilantly while sneezing 3 times after I rub her belly.

The fact that I just had to correct my spelling of hairy. It's only habit that I type Harry.

How I can turn everything we say or talk about into a Friends reference without anyone else knowing, and if by chance they are just as obsessed with the sitcom as I am we can laugh and enjoy at the peculiar newly discovered connection.

Books. There will be nothing greater in life, nothing more appreciated than the escape one experiences while falling into the depths, characters, plot line and action of a provocative novel.

Going to Panera by myself with my computer to grab a bagel and do some people watching. I swear I'm not a creeper.

Being a Steelers fan in northeast Ohio and having to the confidence to tell a Browns fan they're wrong when they say "Steelers Suck"

Chocolate milk.

Coffee. Coffee houses. Coffee smells. Coffee pastries. Coffee coffee coffee. STARBUCKS!

The new friends I have made or the friends I have become closer to lately that I know will be in my life forever.

The rightful 4 actors who helped make Sweeny Todd, Alice in Wonderland and the last few Harry Potter movies dark yet delicious. Thank you Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, and Timothy Spalls. Johnny Depp, if only there was a part in the Deathly Hallows movies that you could be casted in. Perhaps a Carrow.

The gifts that keep on giving, like the Complete Works of William Shakespeare that my best friend gave me.

This is just a small portion of a very large list. There are so many things I love in this world and it would take a life time to for me to type it all.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

A challenge

Most Americans spend the first 18, if not 22, years of their life practically the same way. We all play through our childhood, attempt to make it gracefully through the awkward years of middle school, transition into the even more uncomfortable stage of high school and then discover the new found freedom of college. Even though everyone has their own personal story, past, history and journey, with their own triumphs and falls, the first 20 some years follow the a similar outline. Even our parents.

Today I was thinking about my family. My dad graduated college in 76' and my mom in 83', but it wasn't until 86' that they got married, had my brother and settled down. So what did they do during the time after college and before babies? Personally I couldn't tell you much about what my own parents did prior to crossing the threshold into parenthood, but I assume that I'm not alone in this lack of knowledge. It is a complete mystery to me, their lives as young single people with little responsibility. Since it is to late to call my mom, and I'm sure my dad is partaking in football craze, I intend to call my parents and ask them what those years were like. Who were their friends? Where did they live? What were their jobs? This sounds pretty cheesy, and I don't me to be a prescriber of unsolicited advice, but I encourage you to talk to your parents and discover their unknown years. It could be interesting. You didn't know your parents before they had you.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Today I read on the interweb that Andrew Lloyd Webber is completely cancer free. It's always a joy to discover that one of your favorite writers isn't terminally ill. Anyway, ever since his name came across my screen I have had his song "Memory" stuck in my head. That song brings me back to the magically awkward days of 7th grade. That year was the only year that I used my voice for a school club. I was part of my middle school's noble choir 'Guys & Dolls', complete with performances in habbit like skirts paired with blue sequence mumu like tops. To top it off the "men" in the group had the privilege of wearing black shirts with the same blue sequence in vest form and a smashing red bow tie. Oh what a great group we were.

While in my psychology class today my professor couldn't help but provoke the lyrics to "Memory" into my head as she lectured about memory. Now normally in this class everyone can relate to the subject matter , we all have a personality, emotions, experiences, and senses; it's very easy to follow along and understand on a personal level. But today in class I found myself lost and doubting what she had to say. Today it seemed as if she was trying to teach me that the sky is not blue, that it is in fact a lovely shade of magenta.

She explained that the sensory experiences that don't make it to our long term memory, also called short term memory, is forgotten within 2-3 seconds. Makes sense, right? Yeah. But she also said that our dreams are part of our short term memory, and that the only way we could remember them is if we pull a Rachel Berry and wake up with enough energy and motivation to write them down within 20-30 seconds of waking up.
This baffles me. I remember all of my dreams. It has been quite sometime since I slept dreamlessly. The dreams I have absorb me and I can recall upon any of them and tell you in detail what happened. Now I may miss some points or forget a few things, but generally speaking I remember my dreams for at least a few days.

After hearing this I was beginning to wonder if I just have a really unusual sleep habit, or if maybe my hipocampus is peculiarly strong.

So then she tells us about Infantile/Child Amnesia, which is why adults can not remember most of their childhood. It is also apparently why people can not remember anything before the age of 3. What? What is this? 3! People can't remember anything prior to the age of 3?
This is when I really began to wonder if I had an obscure memory.
I remember vividly trying to climb over to the big pool from the adjoined hot tub/ baby pool when we lived in California. It was my goal, my journey, my sense of purpose. I remember the divot in the wall which was lower that I could climb over. That lower level would be my parents demise. I knew that if I could just get over that wall I could be with everyone else and have the entire pool to swim in. We moved to Ohio when I was one something. All of that happened when I was only a year and some old and I remember it perfectly.
I could also recall to you a very green ride through "It's a Small World After All" during one of the family's trips to Disney Land when we lived out in Cali.

Then it all started to click. The memories of my dearest cousin telling me "Heather, sometimes I think you remember things that never actually happened," when I know they did. The unnatural amount of dreams that stick with me forever. The memories from when I was a year old. It all started to make some sense, and I have come to a conclusion. I have an oddly strong memory.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Guess who's back?

This blog could go one of two ways; it could be optimistic and hopeful, or it could be obnoxiously whiny. And since I am trying to find new balance in my life, I will follow my Libra ways and make it a combination of the two.

You don't appreciate the luxury of a laptop computer at college until it's gone. To top off the worst week of my life, my computer charger decided to fail on me leaving me with a dead black screen. Since the fateful day that Johnny left I wanted nothing more than to escape to my computer and partake in my favorite past time, random writing that will hopefully one day be something more than a scramble of word documents. As you can tell by the fact that I'm typing this, I have received a replacement charger and have found new appreciation for my computer.

Right now I am laying in my bed watching Beauty and the Beast with some of the roommates, and it's interesting to watch how Disney magically defies the basic laws of physics. I don't think it's possible for a tiny little princess to pull up an entire beast from a wet slippery tower. Although, if they live in a world where people turn into furniture and a rose decides the fate of a prince than I suppose anything is possible.
Sorry, just a random thought.

Most of you know that my time here at school has been less than satisfactional, in fact I want nothing more in the world than to go home. Don't get me wrong, I have made some awesome friends here, but when you are stranded in a very remote place with with 20,00 other people your age you begin to realize how old you are or act at least. I've discovered that for most college is a time for discovering yourself, meeting new friends, and throwing balls into cups. It's a time to be young, to avoid trouble, and be as loud as possible. Apparently I have missed that memo and have rendered myself unrelateable to the average college student. O well, I'll be in the right place all in due course, but for now I take much pleasure in the fact that I know I am different. I am my own person with my own sense of individuality.

Today I was rather embarrassed when we discovered that the source of the mysterious odd smell emanating in my room was my dining hall work shirt. But when I was putting my shoes on and noticing the foot wear of my friends I couldn't help but smile at the thought "at least I don't wear UGGs." At least I am not part of the clones.

This blog may be a little more skewed to the negative, but writing it was quite positive, so I hope you had a similar experience.