Tuesday, March 30, 2010

It's from the year I was born

I know my writings are all very up in the air, but I'm still working on grounding myself. So here's another one of my half hearted conclusions that takes me one step closer to finding myself:

I'm not going to get into my religious views, because quite frankly I'm not sure what they are, but I had an experience that could only be described as a miracle. It was sometime over winter break and I had just returned grocery shopping. While I stood at my counter attempting to pick up as much yogurt in my arms as possible I heard a noise coming from the open refrigerator. The random 'clink' startled me and caused me to drop all the yogurt. I walked to the fridge and on the shelf was sitting a lone penny. My awestruck self didn't know what to do. I just stood there, staring at this penny, inventing ideas of how it scientifically could have come to be dropped on my shelf, but there were none. How on earth did this penny fall on to my fridge? As I continued to stare at this penny, reading and rereading 'In God We Trust', a line from one of my favorite musicals popped into my mind "hey look, a penny! From the year I was born. It's a siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggn." Could it be? Could it be a penny from the year I was born? I leaned in slowly to pick up the tarnished penny and covered by a little speck of blue was the date 1990. I know, crazy right. I'll never know how the penny actually came to be in my fridge, or if the fact that it was made the year I was born is just a coincidence, but for now I can only assume that this is the sign I have been looking for for quite some time.

Bird's Nest

None of you probably care, and this is rather irrelevant to anything going on in my life, but today while working out something magnificent happened. I've been working out daily for the past few months now, each day on the same machine. I get to look out a window that overlooks a pretty golf course and some lovely hills, and on one of the pillars of the building is this bird's nest. Now, for the past few months the nest has been empty. It lasted through wind, snow and rain and remained wholesomely in tact throughout all of it. Today was exciting because, while I was still happy to see that the nest was still there holding up against the elements, the bird was back!
So why do you care? You probably don't. I'm not even sure why I care. I guess after all I have been through, especially since starting this new year, the bird is like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. If the bird can go through the entire winter, doing everything it has to do to survive, and still make it out safely, then why can't I? I guess the bird gave me a new sense of hope, a feeling that I could finish this fight once and for all and then make it back to my nest of solitude.
Who thought that a simple bird could do so much?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

One Massive Headache

If you haven't noticed it's been about 2 weeks since my last blog entry, and before that another 2 weeks. Where have I gone? No where. Matter -o- factly my post box is filled with little orange drafts that are incomplete and now irrelevant. I wrote them with then intent of finishing, but I either ran out of time or couldn't organize my thoughts well enough. So to enlighten my readers I shall share with you the random blurbs and ideas that have crossed my mind in the past few weeks.

1. Everyone is moving on with their lives.
Since the New Year I have heard that someone is either getting married or having a baby every single week. Now, to my friends which see me on a regular basis and already know this, skip ahead to the next paragraph, but to everyone else... O MY JEEZ. The list of people I know who will be having a non-hygienic shower soon would not fit on an entire roll of toilet paper. Let the hyperbole help you understand how much disbelief I lay in. It's crazy to think that friends of mine are ready/old enough to get married or even procreate.

2. Technology is taking over the world.
I still have a hard time expressing my opinion of this particular idea, because the thoughts just run amok in my mind. So I will give it my best shot. Technology has exponentially incorporated its way into the lives of humans to the point where we can't picture a world without it. Think back about a hundred years ago. They had no cell phones, no computers and no ipods, they were just excited about the car being invented. Now think to your life. Is your self phone in arms reach? I would be lying if I said that mine wasn't, in fact it's sitting on my lap. But when does technology go from a reasonable request to an absurd obsession?
More and more we find parents using every mean necessary to protect their kids from.... what? What is out there that is so bad that we need to give a 4 year old a mobile phone? Don't you think that the basic Safety Town fundamentals can keep your overprotected child safe for the minuscule amount of time that you don't have an eye on them? They don't even know how to spell phone, why should they have one? Just remind them every so often to look both ways before crossing the street, don't open the door for strangers and never take candy from odd pantless men in trench coats.
The only part of technology that I find to be a positive advancement is in the medical field. Every day millions of people are saved because of our new medicines and treatments. Other than that it is just down right unnecessary. Why do we need all of these fancy phones that have 'apps' for pointless shit? I've found that people are more connected with a little black piece of metal and plastic than they are with their friends and family. People can't go out for an hour without having their phone with them. It's pretty sad actually. Bringing a phone to a social event is just asking to be interrupted. (I'm beginning to get frustrated just writing this) I wish I could express to you my true feelings on this subject, because I really hate how technology has made the world so anti-social. If you feel otherwise prepare your side of the debate and come on over, I'll 'pwn' your ass.
For my rage sake I am going to stop there. Moving on.

3. My selfishness
When I started this year I decided to be selfish. I know it's a weird thing to aspire to, but I realized that I need to fix my own problems before taking on any more challenges. As most of you know my number one problem over the past few years has been my weight, and I have been working my ass off to make it go away. After no results I ventured into the dreaded doctors office and had some blood work done. Dah du du DAHHH! It can all be explained with a 4 letter condition, actually it's a 25 letter condition, but never the less it is very exciting. I can be fixed and hopefully this life time struggle can come to an end. Hopefully with this my number one problem will be eliminated followed by an elimination of most of my other problems.

That has pretty much been my life for the past few weeks. It's been pretty hectic and chaotic but overall good. Much to my chagrin I have to leave for school tomorrow, and it's a sad day knowing my 2 week spring break has to come to an end.

As one of my old childhood friends used to say "ta ta for now"

Sunday, March 14, 2010

*Insert cheesy Britney Spears lyrics here*

In about 6 months I will be twenty years old. I will no longer be teenager, and I will have to come to terms with the fact that I am an adult.

Over the past few months I have been bombarded by friends and family members dealing with real adult situations. It seems like every week another person tells me they are either getting married, having a baby, or dying. What is this? What happened to the days where the only care I had in the world was whether or not I would get my Barbi doll back from the girls who lived down the street? (I never did by they way) I guess I have come to a time in my life where people are going to get married and have babies. My generation is getting older and moving on with their lives.

Today I heard some rather sad news that has me worried about much more than my 8 o'clock final tomorrow morning. I feel like I've been submerged into a pool of chaos and I won't be able to resurface until this test is taken and I know my friend will be okay. For the past few hours I have been trying to study, but have found myself unsuccessful due to the lack of attention I can give to my book. My thoughts are all over the place and it took a severe complication in a friends pregnancy for me to come to this conclusion:

People are constantly complaining. Complaining about the weather, their jobs, their classes, their families, their situations, their houses, their expenses, their day to day tasks, basically anything that has a name can be the source of a complaint. But why do we complain? Do you really think that bitching about a situation can make it better? No, only action can improve your circumstance. So what is the point? I believe that people complain purely for sympathy. That they desire attention to make themselves feel better. But is their life really so bad? Most likely not.
So I challenge you; next time you feel like bitching about the rain or having to get up early, think about all the people who really do have something to complain about, the sick, the lonely, the homeless, and remember how great your life is.

Right now I sit in the lobby of my residence hall worried sick about my friend and her unborn child. Now, she has something to complain about.

It's times like these that life really comes into perspective.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

My Whys

Why isn't this working?
Why can't I get anywhere?
Why am I at square one again?
Why did this have to happen to me?

Once I was repulsed.
Once I was fed up with it.
Once I decided to make a change.
Once I became just another statistic.

Sick of myself.
Sick of who I was.
Sick of always trying.
Sick of calorie counting.

Now Why am I so tired?
Now where is that Once self?
Now I'm still just as Sick.
But I'm trying my damnedest to overcome.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Ideas and Alice

Yesterday was... interesting. Fun... but very interesting.
I woke up at the forgotten hour of 7:23 to shower, get dressed and make it to the library with enough time to complete my poetry assignment which was due at 9. While the assignment was easy and pointless and I will easily get full credit on it just for the completion of it, it was poetic and got me thinking in metered rhyme scheme at 8 in the morning. Once I finished the one paragraph paper I managed to pass up the muffin at the Cafe Bibliotecha and head to my classroom early to get some alone time to do some writing in my journal (yes, I have a journal and not a diary; diaries are cute, colorful and hardback, not a 5 subject notebook that you got at the market for a $1.79.) So in the 7 minutes that I had to myself before my fellow students began to file into the room I was hit with an idea, an idea like nothing else I have ever had. It hit me all at once, like when you're driving and are blasted with a raunchy skunk odor. I had this idea for a book, and it was all there in my mind. I needed not to come up with the plot or characters or rising action because it was all there, just sitting in my mind waiting to be written.
Now I'm generally constantly thinking of ideas for a book, but never one with so much clarity. This one actually sounds good.
After my epiphany I sat in my poetry class and got weird looks from my professor as I scribbled down the basic points to my book in my journal. To be completely honest I wasn't paying any attention to the class and felt pretty bad when I didn't realize it was my turn to read something. That's besides the point though. I got it down and have begun to actually write since then.
After my poetry and psychology class I headed back to the dorm to discover I had the room to myself for the next 3 hours. What is this? Time to myself? This never happens!!! It was so nice. I could have easily used that time to go be productive at the gym or do some homework that's due next week, but I decided to take that time and use it to watch my favorite show, Friends.
What fun it was.
So now, off to see my second most anticipated movie of the year, next to HP7, Alice In Wonderland. This is what I have been preparing for for the past 2 years ever since they released the news about the movie. See, I have a different sort of relationship with Alice In Wonderland.
It all started when I was 4 and my mom put Disney's Alice In Wonderland on for me. I was enjoying the movie by myself until Alice started falling down the hole. That part was too scary for me, with the random objects and the sense of nothingness, so I had to turn it off. That was the extent of my Alice viewing growing up.
Once the news that Tim Burton was creating the classic book into a movie I knew I couldn't pass it up, but I wanted to be prepared and do my research. I started with the book, always the best source of information, and I was honestly disappointed with Lewis Carol's story. Don't hate me, but I found it to be highly overrated. Being a literature lover this did nothing for me. Maybe if it had a plot I would like it. After I read Alice's Adventures into Wonderland I took to reading Through the Looking Glass. Still a little disappointing, yet fairly more enjoyable. Now time for the Disney version. I watched it with my favorite cousin and found myself to be even more disappointed than ever before. Of course Disney would change everything from book to movie, it's what they do best. Now this was just frustrating to watch, not only was it not good, it was wrong, all wrong. Fwarted again.
My overall conclusion of all Alice in Wonderland media was poor, but since my 3 most favorite actors ever were going to be in this movie I had high hopes. I knew if anyone could make Alice good it would be Tim Burton with the help of Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp and Alan Rickman.
Midnight was finally here, we put on our 3D glasses and sat in a crowded theater anxiously waiting for the movie to start.
It went as fast as it came. The movie was over, and I was amazed, in love.
So thank you Tim Burton, you did it. You finally made Alice in Wonderland enjoyable. The fact that you added a plot probably helped you out the most, but I loved it.