Thursday, December 3, 2009

The What If's

When friends come to me with worry, stress and little hope for the near future, my first advice for them is to listen to the song "For Now" from one of my favorite Broadway shows Avenue Q. It reminds us that even though times are tough they certainly can't last forever and that everything in life is only for now. So when my own personal life becomes overwhelmingly complicated and hard to handle I try to take my usual advice and look to the future, but this time the future seems so far away. What was once stable and clear is now as fuzzy and unfocused as a pair of broken binoculars that inhibit me to see the sanity. I can't help but dwell on all the 'what ifs' that brought me to this point of despair, and even more what I can do to make things right.
It's like all the 'what ifs' are yelling at me and now I need to know 'what if...?'
What if HE never came into my life?
What if I never let him go?
What if that hug never broke?
What if I opened the car door and ran after him?
What if I didn't move on?
Who would be there?
What if I he didn't influence me to visit OU?
What if I went to school with my best friend from the get go?
What if I had saved more money?
What if I knew what I was doing?
Where would I be?

So instead of dwelling on the 'what ifs' I am going to move onto the 'what nows?'
Now I need to... well... do a lot of things.
So for starters I will try to find some focus.
Step 1. Figure out college and transferring.
Step 2. Resolve love life
Step 3. Lots and lots of candle lit bubble baths.

Wish me luck everyone!
Hopefully soon I will be on the right track for transfer, stable in or out of a relationship, and thin. Simple. Right?

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